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February 26th, 2008 (02:56 am)

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My abridged life (Age 1-13)

May 5th, 2006 (02:21 am)
Feeling: creative
Noise: Karma Slave- Splashdown

Pretext: Certain people or persons have been edited from my memory for legal purposes and because i hate them. Also note that this isnt a final draft and is entirely incomplete. Please ignore all grammatical and spelling errors.

Age 1-

We lived in an apartment in Chelmsford. I remember very little of the first few years of my life. When i turned three Max was born. One Christmas after he was born, Asshole put an inflatable dinosour up next to the tree on Christmas morning. He set up his video camera to record me screaming and crying when i came out and saw it. Hence the begining of my hating both Christmas and Asshole.

The only other memory i have of that period of time in my life is being an infant. My mother let my step uncle hold me while he was in the pool. He dropped me and i remember looking up at them both from the bottom of the pool for what seemed like forever. For the longest time i thought i died that day and i was just a ghost.

Age 3-

We moved to Gramma Reveals house. I shared a room with my aunt Rene briefly. She once told me a story to get me to goto sleep. I wish for the life of me i could remember it. Mind you, she was making it up as she went along but the delirium of her sleep deprivation only added to the awesomeness of the story for me. Something about a princess and a unicorn. The princess was supposed to chose a suitor, the suitor had to bring her the moon. None of the suitors knew what she meant all but one suitor who asked the princess how big she thought the moon was and she said, "Well everyone knows the moon is no bigger than a thumbnail. That is why you can cover it with just your thumb" So that suitor got her a necklace with a sliver of gold on it and he got to marry her because he was the only one to bring her the moon.

Age 5- While we lived with Gramma Reveal there was a little boy who lived across the street named Mckale. He was my best and only friend. We would play in his yard or play video games in his basement. His older brother used to pause the game so we could trace the characters on paper and color them in.

One day i decided that i wanted him to meet my other grandmother who lived on the other side of town(not really that far away, i could walk to it from there now but as a child i guess it was pretty far away) So i geared up my red rider, Max sitting in it. I went and told my mother i was going to walk to my other grandmothers and she said, "Ok, go on. Go play" Mckale, Max and i started down Cathy rd steady as we could. We got half-way down Beaverbrook and Asshole drove by. He made us get in the car and when we got back to the house my mother grounded me for the afternoon. She grounded me for doing something she said i could do. I ask her about this recently and she admits that she really thought i was kidding or make believing the whole thing when i told her. It still gets me mad to this day thinking about it, but its still pretty funny.

Age 6- Shortly after that Mckale and his family moved away to Mississippi. No one ever told me why, just one day he moved away and i didnt even get to say goodbye to him. He never wrote, never nothing. My grandmother says that his father stops by every few years and says that Mckale will be with him next time, but he never is. I still think about him from time to time and wonder if he does the same. I wonder if he even remembers me or if he has pushed me out of his memory like i have pushed soo many people out of mine. I guess i'll never know.

I started kindergarten a few months after we moved into 'the big house' in Lowell.

I went to school at the Leblanc elementary school which was IMMEDIATLY across the street from the house. You could sneeze from our front porch and knock a bird off the windowsill of the front office. Most of my memories of that school are bad. Girls beating the shit out of me, boys making fun of me. I was soo desperate for friends back then. I had one of those pencil cases that was like a swiss army watch. Sanrio used to make them but they were fairly expensive. I got one with a puppy on it for my birthday and i let a girl at school borrow it. Her name was Kristin. I let her borrow it and she never gave it back. I got one for christmas and stupid me let her borrow that one too because i thought if i didnt let her that she wouldnt like me anymore. I spent the night at her house once, she held a knife to my throat and said that she was going to kill me while i slept. Needless to say i went home early that night and never talked to her again. She spent the remainder of the school year telling the class that I was a baby because I wouldn't stay at her house.

Another girl that tortured me was Erin Carrol. She lived down the street from me and was my 'best friend' meaning by which that her mother made her invite me to play with her at every given moment. She used to pull my hair until i would do what she wanted or until she got bored of it. One year for her birthday she had one of those cakes with a barbie doll in it. There was a girl that lived across the street from her named Amanda. She was a few years younger than Erin and i so Amanda felt the need to hang off of us. The last time i remember seeing Amanda was when she was riding her bike down a hill on my street and her bike hit a manhole cover and she went ass over kettle. She lost her front four teeth.

The best birthday i ever had was my 6th birthday. I had one of those awesome sundresses that only 6 year olds wear. I twirled around inbetween the laundry on the line and landed in the kiddie pool. I don't remember who came or much of what i got, but i remember twirling around and i haven't felt that happy since then. This also began the hatred I have for my cousin. When my birthday cake was brought out to me, she felt the need to blow out the candles.

Age 7- My mother was working fulltime at this point. So she had my uncle Bill babysit Max and i after school. He would let us sit and watch Nick Jr and Nickelodeon all afternoon and/or bring us to the billerica gunclub and let us wander the grounds. The bar tender there gave me a nickel for every whole clay pigeon i found in the woods. There were mounted deer all over the lodge. There was one gorgeous buck mounted over the fireplace that had antlers that seemed to go on forever.

Age 9- Erin moved away to some big farm house. I only visited her twice and i only remember one of those times. We were supposed to camp outside that night, but i was too upset to sleep outside. Erins sister was home from college that week and she was up all night telling us about her friend who killed himself by hanging himself in the closet with a belt. She made us watch the memorial video and then we watched ghost.

Age 10- My granpa kitty died in May of this year, then two months later my other grandfather passed away. This left a huge mark on me because Granpa kitty was the only person in that family who has ever treated me kindly. My other grandfather often babysat Max and i and even though he was sort of oblivious to childcare i owe him alot in the way i turned out. After they passed away we moved back to burlington with Granma Reveal.

Age 13- In lowell 5th grade was middle school. I was in middle school for 5 months before we moved to Burlington where 5th grade is still elementry. 5th and 6th grade were hell for me in burlington. The same shit as Lowell, people picking on me, using me, abusing me. In 7th grade i stopped caring. I'm not sure what triggered it, but sometime in the summer break of 6th grade i decided i wasn't going to take anyones shit anymore.

Princesse de la rue soit la bien venue dans mon coeur brise

January 22nd, 2006 (12:39 pm)
Noise: Complainte De La Butte- Rufus Wainwright

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